


Yorktown Christmas

by CrescentDream24, Sandmann



Series: Leonard McCoy x Reader December [7]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Female Reader, Medical Procedures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:53:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28192758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrescentDream24/pseuds/CrescentDream24, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandmann/pseuds/Sandmann
Summary: You are a resident at Yorktown Medical and end up having to work with one rather grumpy Dr. Leonard McCoy throughout the Christmas holidays.
Relationships: Leonard "Bones" McCoy & Reader, Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Reader
Series: Leonard McCoy x Reader December [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2033593
Comments: 67
Kudos: 78





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We have teamed up for yet another story. This one got a little out of hand and we ended up with eleven chapters, but we are guessing you won’t mind. 😉  
> We would love to hear from you! Comments and kudos are always appreciated and make our day.
> 
> CrescentDream24 & Sandmann  
> \---  
>  _Warning: sexual content, brief mention of suicide, graphic surgical scenes_

You double-checked the December roster in disbelief. This could not be correct.

You knew holiday shifts were inevitable--what with you being part of the chronically short-staffed health care system and everything....especially when working on a star-base as you were right now. You’d come to terms long ago with the fact that holidays would always be a busy time for you.

But this year you’d won the world’s worst jackpot--your name was marked down in the “night shift” column every _single_ night between Christmas and New Year’s.

And the name next to yours was just the cherry on top.

The fucking icing on the cake.

You’d be spending the holidays at the hospital with Dr. Leonard McCoy.

***

December quickly arrived, much to your disdain. For weeks leading up to it, you’d been silently hoping that something, _anything,_ would come up to prevent you from working those shifts at York Town Medical, or to at least switch Dr. McCoy off your schedule. A devastating ion storm hitting the star-base perhaps. Or the hospital mysteriously burning to the ground. You would take anything at this point.

But, sadly, nothing had changed in the few weeks since you first laid eyes on the roster. You tried not to let it bother you as you got ready for work that morning, perking up a bit when you suddenly remembered what was going to take place later that day. The entire star-base York Town was going to perform its now-traditional switching on of the Christmas lights parade. Several starships and freighters already docked at the base would be decorated to the nines with deep-space lights of red and green on their hulls, slowly parading high over the starbase as the holiday lights of the buildings were switched on to match.

They even made real snow fall within the giant dome that marked the barrier to outer space. Living on a Federation star-base certainly did have its perks.

You counted down the hours as you worked, anticipation mounting as you finally saw to your last patient of the night. When your shift was over, you decided to climb up to the roof of the hospital to witness the spectacular show of lights overhead. You took the stairs two at a time, excitement making you giddy as you finally approached the door that led out to the rooftop.   
You stepped out and immediately craned your neck to the darkened sky. The entire base was shrouded in the darkness of space before the lights slowly came on one by one, street by street, building by building until all of the city was illuminated in a sea of red, green, and golden twinkle lights.

After a while, you felt tiny snowflakes as they landed on your bare arms, melting immediately on contact. It was a gentle snowfall, nothing that would accumulate to anything, and purely aesthetic. A few ships made their pass overhead from outside the globe and you held your breath in reverence. It was utterly magical. 

You wrapped your arms around you and sighed as you continued to take in the spectacle. You missed Earth quite a bit, especially around this time of the year, but York Town’s Christmas lights were a sight you never would get tired of.   
You leaned back against the cool concrete wall near the outer edge of the roof and allowed yourself to take in this magical moment a little while longer when you heard muffled voices from inside the building near the door and the sound of footsteps climbing the metal stairs.

Your mood deflated somewhat, not really wanting to share the rooftop with anyone else right now. You situated yourself so you would be hidden behind one of the peaks in the roof and the door of the stairwell swung open with a loud creak.

“Come on, Leonard. You don’t want to miss this, I promise you.” It was a female voice you recognized to belong to Nurse Chapel, the head nurse on the unit. She was much older than you with blonde hair always pulled back tightly away from her face, and you constantly wondered to yourself if she ever got headaches from doing that. She was a no-nonsense nurse who always kept everyone on their toes, and you were mildly surprised that she would be interested in something like this.

“Alright, alright. I'm comin’. Just a quick look. There’s a man in recovery and I wanna have a look at his incision site before I go. He’s got a post-surgical seroma like you wouldn’t believe.”

You sucked in a breath as you crouched low in your hiding place. You’d recognize that voice anywhere. Dr. McCoy.

It was the type of voice that everyone in the hospital knew from two floors up and across the entire building. It was the voice that barked at you whenever you made a mistake, a voice that served to put all your flaws on display. It made everyone’s blood pressure instantly rise and it erased any hope of having an easy shift for the unlucky staff that was paired with him.

It was odd, you thought to yourself as you continued to stare up at the sky, that the unlikeliest people to be on this roof were now out here together. It made some type of weird sense, really. The two most hard-nosed people in the entire hospital being friends. Especially since they were both members of the _Enterprise_ crew--- a ship docked here at Yorktown to receive repairs and upgrades for almost two years by now.

You heard more footsteps as they both made their way out onto the rooftop and you re-adjusted your position, sitting on the cool cement with your arms wrapped securely around your knees, still safely hidden away behind a roof peak. 

Nurse Chapel gave out a sigh of appreciation. “It’s just beautiful! All these lights. It reminds you of Earth doesn’t it, Leonard?”

You heard the doctor answer in a voice you’d barely ever heard him use before. It was low and free from the harsh edge it usually carried with it whenever he was around you.

“It sure does, Christine.”

You bit your lip as you continued to take in the lights, daydreaming about past holidays of your youth back at home. You weren’t trying to eavesdrop on their conversation, but it was impossible not to hear them on the silent rooftop.

Chapel spoke up again after a moment. “I see you’re working with another resident this month. I’m sure you’re thrilled.”

The doctor let out a sarcastic chuckle and you gripped your knees tighter as they continued to discuss the prospect of working with you. “Oh, I’m overjoyed. You know me, I just love workin’ with the inexperienced.”

“Oh, come on. How else can they learn?”

“By workin’ with any other damned doctor, that’s how,” he grumbled and your stomach twisted. You knew Dr. McCoy wasn’t a huge fan of working with residents, but now that you’d heard it out of his mouth, there was a certain sting to it that you couldn’t fully ignore. You’d worked with him before, and you thought you had held your own well enough. But his reaction right now was starting to make you think otherwise.

The magical atmosphere you had been delighting in a few moments ago was now lost on you as you kept turning his words over in your head.

“I thought you liked working with this one? Didn’t you tell me she was one of the best residents you’d ever worked with?”

Your grip on your knees intensified to the point that your nails were embedding themselves into the cloth of your scrubs. You leaned forward, all intentions of trying not to listen to their conversation completely forgotten.

“You never forget a thing, do you?” His voice was agitated. “Okay, I _might_ have said _something_ like that. Out of all the residents... she’s certainly one of the better choices. But, she’s still got a lot to learn, just like anyone else.”

“Of _course_.” The nurse’s voice was sticky sweet now as if she were speaking to a child. “And we’ll just both pretend that the way you kept ogling her the last time you both worked together was strictly professional.”

You felt your heart pause in your chest, not daring to breathe in case you missed a word of his reply.

“I don’t know what you think you saw, but it sure as hell wasn’t me _oglin’_ anyone.” His accent sounded thicker and the harsh edge you knew so well had found its way back into his voice.

“Whatever you want to make yourself believe. I know what I saw and I...” The last of Chapel’s words were muffled by the sound of the door swinging open again and their footsteps on the staircase as they headed back down into the hospital. 

You didn’t dare to leave your hiding spot for several minutes, even after you had heard their steps vanish and the door to the staircase snap shut loudly. You continued to sit hunched against the wall, trying to wrap your head around what you overheard.

Dr. McCoy _liked_ you? If that were true, he really did a great job of hiding it. The way he’d correct you harshly whenever you made a mistake, the way he seemed to wait for you to stumble over your words on rounds or make a wrong move during surgery. The way he’d look at you, brows furrowed and scowling.

What you overheard just now made absolutely no sense at all.  
The other reason why you were confused up on that rooftop under the twinkling Christmas lights was the fact that, ever since first setting eyes on Dr. McCoy, you had to willingly force your heart to slow down. Sometimes it obeyed you, and you could work alongside him easily enough. Other times though, it was all you could do to keep from openly staring at him. It was a very frustrating way to feel about someone you desperately wanted to impress.

But his abysmal behavior towards you at work had made it exceedingly easier to control those troublesome thoughts with each passing day. The more he berated you and the more he hissed insults through his teeth as he observed your work, the more you had forgotten about any possible attraction to that man.

It helped you to abandon any thoughts about him at all, really. You stopped being captivated by his voice and his steady hands as they worked through surgery, or the way his dark hair fell across his forehead while he leaned in to inspect a patient’s chart. And those beautiful hazel eyes of his.

But then you had to go and overhear this stupid conversation just now. And everything was complicated all over again.


	2. Chapter 2

You didn’t get a chance to run into Dr. McCoy again before your Christmas nightshifts, and you were glad for it. There had been a rather serious outbreak of the Cardassian flu aboard the _USS Columbia_ , another starship currently docked at York Town. To prevent the disease from spreading amongst the entire Starbase, the crew was treated onboard – and you had been amongst the team from York Town Medical sent to help on the ship’s overcrowded Medbay.

There was an effective vaccination and you had received it, but not everyone on board the _Columbia_ had, and the vaccinations had been paused due to a brief shortage which meant you were stuck up there longer than anticipated.

But as you waited impatiently to be discharged from the ship, you reasoned with yourself that things could be worse. You could be stuck in the hospital on shift with Dr. McCoy right now, getting yelled at for some reason or another. You were trying hard not to dread your upcoming nightshifts with him, but it just wasn’t working. With every passing day, you felt the knot in your stomach grow and your sleep become more restless. And his comments to Christine on the rooftop just served to make your anxiety intensity.

After a week of treating patients on-board the _Columbia_ , the worst of the flu seemed to finally be over and you received two days to recover at home before your nightshift week started at the hospital. 

Before you knew it, it was Christmas Eve, the start to the nightshifts you had been dreading all month long. You hated working nights. Absolutely hated it. Even though there was no real day and night cycle when living in space, the change in your circadian rhythm always threw you off for a few days after those shifts were over. Trying to keep up your spirits as much as you could, you took the time to eat a light but filling dinner before you headed over to York Town Medical to start your shift.

It felt odd working on Christmas Eve; a time that used to be so magical and wonderous in your youth was now reduced to a day like any other. You took some comfort in seeing the familiar team of nurses on shift as you stuck your things in your locker and clipped on your ID badge. You got along with everyone there, with exception to Nurse Chapel--but she was tough on everyone, so you didn’t take it too personally. And somehow, after hearing how much she’d adored the Christmas lights display on the rooftop that night, she seemed a bit more human. 

You made your way over to the nurse’s station, which had a band of thick golden garland running just underneath the countertop with a string of tiny holiday lights intertwined around it. There was even a tabletop Christmas tree plugged in by one of the computer stations. You greeted a few nurses on your arrival and one glimpse on the board showed you that, so far, there were no surgeries scheduled for the night.  
You hazarded a hopeful smile to yourself. For once it seemed like the beginning of a fairly easy shift.  
Since you had not been around for the past week due to your duties on the _Columbia_ , you needed to familiarize yourself with the patients in the surgical ward, so you grabbed up the PADD from the nurses’ station and started to scan through the patients' files. There were a couple more serious cases, but nothing critical, and the rest were easily manageable. You felt the tension begin to ease away from your shoulders ever so slightly. 

“You ain’t gonna get to know your patients just by starin’ at their files, sugar.” Dr. McCoy’s low voice close to your ear almost made you drop the PADD.

You quickly looked up in surprise and he gave you a smug half-smile, crossing his arms. “You might have to resort to extremes and have an actual _look_ at them. They’re all here in person, you know.” He gestured towards the patients’ rooms beyond him.

“Uhm.. yeah. I was just going to…” you started and felt your cheeks flush warm. You stumbled over your own words as he looked expectantly at you and you hated that you had no control over yourself.

“I’ll.....I’ll do that right away.” And you took off.  
Awesome. Would you ever be able to act normal around him? You sighed in frustration as you entered the first patient’s room.

  
When you were done with your rounds, you returned to the nurses’ station to do the necessary charting, feeling relieved that Dr. McCoy was nowhere to be seen for the moment.

After a while, your rumbling stomach requested food and when you were done with the paperwork for the night, you made your way to the cafeteria. 

You grabbed a food tray and tossed on some sandwiches wrapped in cellophane along with a juice. They had some Christmas music playing over the cafeteria loudspeaker and there were Christmas decorations everywhere, but you were not in the Christmas spirit at all.  
After the week on the _Columbia_ , you were thoroughly worn out and all you wanted to do was sleep, and not think about Christmas, and how your family and friends back on Earth were celebrating without you.  
Quickly you pushed those thoughts away and bit into your sandwich.  
If you were lucky, you would be able to catch some sleep tonight. There was only a handful of patients on the ward, and since none of them were in critical condition, there was a good chance of it being a slow night.

A night in which you hopefully wouldn’t have to face Dr. McCoy again. You still felt so confused when it came to him and you didn’t know how you should behave around him. You were usually a pretty confident person who was rarely rattled by anyone, but for some reason being around the doctor made your body and your mouth act as if independent from your brain.

After you left the cafeteria and did a last check-in with the nurses, you got your bed ready in one of the storage room-turned-on-call rooms and tried to get some sleep. Your comm went off a few hours later, alerting you to an emergency arrival, and you were a bit drowsy as you blinked the sleep out of your eyes and started towards the emergency room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Should you be looking for more McCoy/Reader content you might be interested in reading[One step at a time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28222434) (Please check out the tags before reading)._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At my end of the world it is already the 23rd... so here comes the next chapter, a little earlier than usual!
> 
> _If you want to receive additional content warnings please go to the notes at the end of the chapter before reading._

Dr. McCoy was already waiting for you, a look of disapproval written clear across his face. “Good mornin’, glad you found time to join us.” His words dripped with sarcasm.

You frowned at him in confusion. “I’m here, the patient is not, so what’s your problem?” The adrenalin had finally kicked in, making you feel more awake and alert. You were here and ready to work, and somehow that was already not good enough for him. The words you’d overheard him say on that rooftop seemed like forever ago, something you must have dreamed up. There was no way he liked you. 

He cocked an eyebrow and was about to say something when the doors burst open behind you both and a team of paramedics hurriedly rolled in your patient.

“45-year-old human woman tried to kill herself by ingesting hydrochloric acid.” A paramedic called out as a team worked behind him to ready a nearby surgical suite.

“And here is the obligatory Christmas suicide attempt....” Leonard muttered under his breath. You were about to chide him for the insensitive remark, but held your tongue, not wanting to cause any more friction between the two of you. 

“BP’s stable, heart rate at 130bpm, first scans indicate severe damage to her gastrointestinal tract.”

“She needs surgery. Now.” Leonard barked out. “Y/N you’re with me.”

You scrubbed in quickly while the patient was set up in the operating room, going through the scenarios you expected to encounter in your head. You’d assisted with quite a few intestinal surgeries before, but none that had been as severe as this.

“We’ll have to assess the damage the acid has done to her insides while we work. There’s no time to poke around first.” Dr. McCoy said from beside you as he tossed you a face shield. “Wear that, and be sure to get the acid-proof gloves. And be quick about it, we don’t have any time to lose.”

By now you were fully awake, your heartrate almost matching your patient as you took a few deep breaths to steady yourself. You continued scrubbing in next to Dr. McCoy in silence, and you knew he was going through every scenario in his mind just as you were.  
He might be grumpy and rough around the edges, but he was a damn good surgeon. And if this woman had any chance of surviving, it would be thanks to him.

“Scalpel.” Minutes later under the bright surgical lights, you watched as Leonard’s steady hands made the abdominal incision, and after barely any dissecting at all you were greeted with numerous distended, green intestinal loops, accompanied by a smell worse than you had ever experienced in any abdominal surgery ever before.  
Your stomach clenched and you had to swallow down hard to focus on not throwing up.

“Goddamnit… why couldn’t she just take sleeping pills?” you heard McCoy grousing while you still fought to stay focused. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of your temple, and you resisted the urge to wipe it away. 

“We’ll have to take her colon out. Not even sure if that will do. Can you hold this to the side for me? Y/N?”

He looked up at you and you snapped back to attention as he said your name again. “Y/N?”

It took you another moment to realize he’d been talking to you and you saw his brows knit together. “Y/N, if you can’t stand the sight of an open situs, you sure as hell are in the wrong profession! I need you to function in my OR, and if you cannot, you need to step down _now_!” His words were sharp and they stung.

You didn’t trust your voice at the moment, so you diverted your gaze and quickly reached for the acid-soaked intestinal loops, pulling them to the side wordlessly so Dr. McCoy was able to prepare the deduction.

He didn’t say anything either as he got back to work. Smoothly he examined the remaining healthy tissue and executed his plan of action, effortlessly using the tools that were handed to him by the nurse. You did your best to assist, trying to anticipate his steps and keep his view clear with the suction. Another bead of sweat was collecting on your forehead and you battled to keep your mind clear of everything but the job in front of you.

“What options do we have once the colon is out?” Dr. McCoy didn’t look up as he continued working.

“Uhm..” You paused as your brain ran through the possible list of answers. “We’d have to reestablish some sort of --”  
“Suction.”

You looked down to find the situs had suddenly filled up with fresh blood.

“Where is the blood coming from?” You wondered out loud, your concern for the patient rising.

“There’s acid inside this abdomen, sugar. What do you think? It would spare the vessels?” He turned to the nurse. “I need a second suction unit. And another lavage.”

You heard the heart rate of the patient pick up even more, and the stats showed her BP dropping rapidly. Her condition was deteriorating fast. 

“There!” Without thinking, you reached out for the artery you had just spotted in the depth of the situs and placed your finger lightly over the hole in it. “I have it!”

“Don’t touch it!” Leonard shouted out, but it was too late. You felt the artery under your fingers pulsate and then rip open some more to let out an even larger pool of blood.

“The tissue is porous, thanks to the acid! And thanks to _your_ impetuous action you just ripped the whole damn thing open from top to bottom!” Your eyes widened as you retracted your hand, feeling yourself begin to quiver as you realized what you had done.

Now his smooth movements became rather erratic. “I can’t see a goddamn thing in here! How am I supposed to fix this if I can’t see it! I need suction! And give her blood!”  
You held your breath as Leonard kept trying to fix the vessel beyond repair while cursing silently to himself. Sweat dripped into your eyes and began to sting as you fought to stuff down your emotions and give the patient your full attention.

Every stitch he made tore out and more and more blood filled the abdomen.

“She’s coding, Dr. McCoy!” a nurse exclaimed from near the patient’s head. “Shall we defibrillate?”

But there was no sense in defibrillating the patient. She was bleeding out, under your hands, and there was nothing you could do about it. The acid had been eating its way through the tissue, through the vessels and intestines, through everything in its path.  
Even if you _were_ able to stop the bleeding, how would she be able to survive with what was left of her gastrointestinal tract?  
But these were not things you were thinking about right now.  
All you could see was the blood rising, Leonard’s hands outside the situs, placed left and right next to the incision, his eyes dark with anger and pain, as you all watched the patient die and couldn’t do anything about it.

It didn’t take long before he called it.

“Time of death 5:43 am”.

You stood there silently, eyes wide and staring at the patient’s open abdomen, unable to move.

Before Leonard left the table, he glared back at you. “Next time, don’t just turn off your brain when you come into my surgery. Make sure you know what the hell you’re getting into. If you can’t handle it, you have no business being in here.”

Then he walked away, leaving the operating room with a hollow-sounding “Merry fucking Christmas everyone”.

It was only then that you remembered today was, in fact, Christmas Day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Warning: This chapter contains graphic descriptions of surgical procedures and the description of the death of a patient._


	4. Chapter 4

The tears wouldn’t let up as you sat on an overturned pail in the storage closet with your arms wrapped around your belly, trying to calm the sobs that wracked your body in the darkness.

After closing the situs, you had cleaned yourself up from the surgery as fast as you could and got out of there before your vision totally blurred over with frustrated tears. You couldn’t remember the last time you had been so affected in the OR. Even on your worst days with Leonard, nothing had ever come close to this. 

The storage closet was the closest thing that offered privacy, and you had been sitting in there for about ten minutes now, giving in to the sorrow and the overwhelming sense of failure away from prying eyes.

Your sobs must have carried out into the hall however, because you heard a soft knock on the other side of the door.

“Y/N? You in there?” A female voice asked and you put a hand over your mouth to quiet your sobbing.

“Y/N?” The voice tried again, and it sounded familiar but you couldn’t quite place who it was. You sniffed back your tears, trying to pull yourself together long enough to answer the well-meaning person on the other side of the door.

“I know you’re in there. Would you please let me in? I just want to make sure you’re alright.” You realized with a shock that the voice belonged to Nurse Chapel, of all people. You tried to brush away the tears, finally deciding that you would open the door for her. She wasn’t exactly your first choice for someone to confide in, but right now she was better than nothing.

“A-alright.” You popped the door open a crack and Nurse Chapel laid a hand on the doorframe as she peeked her head in, her eyes soft with a look of understanding.

“Honey, it wasn’t your fault.”

You swallowed back bitter saliva as your mind kept replaying the final moments of the surgery. “Of course it was!” Your voice was ragged and wet with sobs. “I ripped open that artery. Dr. McCoy would have saved her if I didn’t...didn’t...” You gulped as a fresh wave of tears overcame you.

Nurse Chapel sighed as she opened the door a bit wider, leaning over to place a hand on your knee. “No, honey. She drank acid. _Acid._ She put herself in that position. It wasn’t going to be good for her either way. You may have made a mistake, but you acted on instinct. You saw something and you tried to correct it. That’s all we can do.” She gave your knee a squeeze.

How did she know all of this? She had not been in the OR with you. But then, she _was_ the head nurse and would have received a report, especially on a case like this. It didn’t really matter how she knew though. All you knew was, that she was right. 

You did make a mistake, something you would never forget for the rest of your life. But you learned from it. You had tried your best and it wasn’t enough. You couldn’t save everyone.

You swallowed again as the wave of tears subsided somewhat, and Christine handed you a Kleenex out of her pocket.

“Dr. McCoy probably thinks I’m incompetent. Completely useless.” You blew into the Kleenex, the glare he gave you as he stepped away from the patient still burned in your memory.

“No, no. I know for a fact he thinks you’re more than qualified to do your job.” You rolled your eyes at her and gave a sarcastic chuckle. “Yeah, right.”

Her eyes locked on you. “Y/N, I’m serious. I know he’s hot under the collar right now. But give him the day to cool off and he’ll be back to normal. He’s always angry after losing one of his patients, as any surgeon would be.” She squeezed your knee again and straightened back up, preparing to leave you alone again with your thoughts. 

You gave her a nod as you sniffed back the last of your tears. “Thanks, Christine. I mean it.”

She smiled gently. “Merry Christmas,” she said as she closed the door again.

***

“Leonard Horatio McCoy, we need to _talk_.” Christine’s voice was commanding as she shut the office door firmly and stepped towards the Doctor, who was sitting at his desk with a PADD in hand.

She’d already had it up to here with this damn Christmas, she really had. Working during the holidays was hard enough, but rolling up her sleeves to be the on-call staff therapist was even worse. But, if the morale of her co-workers was suffering, then their work suffered along with it. And she wouldn’t have any mistakes occur on her unit if she could help it. 

Christine took a breath, getting ready to launch into her tirade as Dr. McCoy instantly straightened up in his chair with a startled expression.

“I know it’s never easy to lose a patient,” she began, trying to reason with him. “But you can’t go treating your resident like that!”

He furrowed his brow, leaning across the desk. “Christine, she--”

“Don’t you _Christine_ me!” She held up a hand and effectively silenced Leonard. “I just found Y/N crying in a storage room because of the way _you_ treated her.”

She took a step closer to the desk as she continued to glare at him. “Everyone knows you’re rough around the edges Dr. McCoy, but there’s a difference between being rough and being completely heartless.”

He set his PADD on the desk as he listened to the head nurse’s words. “I know.”

Christine’s voice was sharp and her tone didn’t allow any interruption as she forged ahead. “Y/N lost her patient too! She’s going through the exact same guilt as you are, and she’s facing it all alone. On _Christmas_ for God’s sake! And you know it wasn’t her fault.”

Leonard looked down at his hands, letting her words wash over him.

“I am sick and tired of standing on the sidelines of this twisted game you’re playing, watching you treat a respectable woman who clearly likes you in this shameful way just because you’re unable to overcome your own insecurities.”

Leonard gaped at her as she continued. “If you want to be miserable, fine. But Y/N doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. She’s one hell of a good doctor, and she didn’t do anything wrong. So, you better go and fix things with her. _Today._ ”

Christine crossed her arms, her rant finally finished. There was a pause as her words hung in the air and no one said anything for a few moments.

Leonard let out a puff of air as he leaned back in his chair, then gave the nurse a look. “You think she likes me?”

Christine shook her head and rolled her eyes. “You’re not really giving her any reason to. But yes, I think she likes you, Leonard. And she wants to impress you, clearly. Maybe you could give things a fresh start by taking it easy on her for once.”

Now it was Leonard who shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“Don’t you shake your head at me, Doctor McCoy. You know I’m right.” Her words were hard but her eyes had softened ever so slightly. “Now go home, get some sleep, and I’ll see you later.”

Leonard gave her a final nod and she stepped to the door of his office, turning around one last time before leaving. “Merry Christmas, Leonard.”

“You too, Christine. You always knew when to get tough with me.”

She chuckled under her breath, letting the door close quietly behind her and hoping he’d be wise enough to take her advice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More to come tomorrow!  
> We hope - despite the challenging times we are all facing- you all are having a happy Christmas, wherever you are in the world. 🎄


	5. Chapter 5

When you arrived at the hospital later that evening you already felt exhausted, and your shift hadn’t even started yet. You hadn’t been able to sleep much during the day--your thoughts kept circling back to the patient you lost, and how there was no way Dr. McCoy was thinking of you as anything other than incompetent and useless, regardless of what Nurse Chapel told you earlier that morning.

You still held endless embarrassment about being found in the storage closet, sobbing as if the entire world was ending—and by Nurse Chapel, of all people.   
She’d actually been quite nice to you, and you appreciated it, but knowing you had to be back on shift with Dr. McCoy after everything that happened made you feel more insecure than you’d felt on your very first day of residency.

You sighed as you went about your usual routine before starting shift-- pulling fresh scrubs over your head, tying your shoes and clipping your nametag on, not ready for it but accepting the inevitable uncomfortable situations that tonight would hold in store for you. You’d never had such a terrible Christmas in your whole life, and it wasn’t even over yet. 

You sighed again, then reached for the carefully wrapped apple pie you had made this afternoon. The nurses had set up a potluck Christmas buffet in the cafeteria for everyone that had to work through the holidays, and even though every bit of Christmas spirit inside you had vanished, you still wanted to honor this tradition.

A couple minutes later, you placed your pie amongst the other dishes arranged on the long cafeteria table, some of which you had to admit looked absolutely delicious. The Christmas crackers that were laid along the table against the holiday tablecloth helped in creating at least some form of festive ambiance in the midst of the drab medical environment. You smiled and decided to return later for a small midnight snack, if there would be time.

On your way to the ward you checked the board and found that, yet again, there were no surgeries planned for the night. You hoped that it would stay that way, unlike before.

When you headed over to the currently deserted nurses’ station draped in all its Christmas decorations, you were surprised to find that you’d been absentmindedly humming one of the Christmas songs that had been playing in the cafeteria.

You began looking for the doctor’s PADD between the papers and various equipment that covered the desk, when you spotted a small wrapped gift sitting directly on top of the PADD near one of the computer stations. It was covered in simple silver paper that glittered under the florescent lights, and even from a distance you could tell it wasn’t the cheap kind.

You glanced to your left, then to your right, hoping to find some sort of explanation, but there was none in sight. None of your co-workers were around to ask, either. Taking a step closer, you decided to investigate further. 

When you looked back down at the gift you noticed a tag attached to it. You picked up the box carefully, turned it around, and were shocked to find your name on it, written out in narrow and very neat handwriting.

You frowned. Had you forgotten about being part of a Secret Santa?

You began to chew your bottom lip, unsure of how to proceed from here as your mind raced to figure out who the present was from. Maybe it was one of the nurses on staff here, or even from a patient? That sort of thing happened from time to time.... even family members of a patient had been known to give little gifts to the staff as a token of thanks around the holidays.

You were hesitant to open the gift for some reason, even though the tag was clearly addressed to you. But then you finally decided that it _was_ Christmas after all, and you began to carefully remove the wrapping paper, feeling a tinge of Christmas joy begin to flow through you as your anticipation rose.

Soon you held a dainty black box in your hands and you slowly removed the lid to find a slim necklace draped on black velvet inside. There was a pendant attached to it--a quartz gemstone, set in silver, twinkling in the Christmas lights that were set up all around the station.  
You stared at the piece of jewelry with raised eyebrows and it took you a moment to realize that there was a folded-up piece of paper with the same neat handwriting at the bottom of the box.

_Y/N, I hope you’ll find the courage within you to change what must be altered, the serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other._  
_It wasn’t your fault. You’re a good doctor, and you’ll achieve wonderful things._  
_Merry Christmas_

You closed your eyes for a moment as you clutched the necklace. _Christine_. As surprising as it might be.... the necklace must have come from her.

She had been so nice and comforting this morning and you couldn’t think of any other plausible explanation as to where this unexpected gift had come from. It must have been her.

Although it was a very kind gesture, there was no possible way you could accept this beautiful gift. You threw the wrapping paper in the bin, closed the box with the necklace inside and put it in the pocket of your scrubs, resolving to find Christine later that night to thank her and return it.

You put it out of your mind for the moment and checked in on the patients. Since there were still no critical cases you were fairly quick on your round, and you chatted with the nurses, adjusted some of the medication plans, and were thankful not to run into Dr. McCoy.

You knew meeting him again tonight was inevitable, but you wouldn’t complain if it happened later rather than sooner.

When you went to return the doctor’s PADD to the nurses’ station a couple hours later, you found Christine sitting at one of the desks, sorting through files on the computer. Your thoughts jumped back to the necklace in your pocket as you placed your PADD on the docking station and cleared your throat.

Christine glanced up at you, her face set in the same hardened expression she always carried.  
“Uhm, I just wanted to say… M-merry Christmas, Nurse Chapel.” You stuttered a bit over your words, unsure of how to convey how much the present had meant to you.

“If I’m not mistaken, we already said Merry Christmas to each other this morning didn’t we, Dr. Y/LN?” Her eyes flicked back to the screen in front of her. 

This was the Nurse Chapel you knew. Not the kind, considerate woman that had comforted you earlier that morning through the crack in the storage closet door, but the stern head nurse of York Town Medical.

“Yeah, you’re right. We did.” You shifted your weight, trying to decide what else to say.

Chapel continued working on the computer, barely acknowledging your presence. Even though your confidence that she had been the one behind your Christmas present had faltered a bit, you still pulled out the black box and set it on the counter in front of her.

“I just… I wanted to give it back. It was very kind of you, but I can’t possibly accept it.”

She looked back up at you in irritation. “What are you talking about?”

“The necklace?” You pushed the black box towards her further. Christine frowned, then reached for the box and opened it. Her eyes widened in surprise before you saw some sort of look of understanding play over her, one corner of her mouth slightly pulling up as she stared down at the gift. She carefully closed the box again and pushed it back in your direction while shaking her head.

“No, Y/N. This isn’t from me.”

“It’s… it’s not?” You were confused, but there wasn’t any more time to think about it as a smooth voice came over the comm near the desk, announcing the arrival of a patient to the emergency ward with an acute abdomen.

The doors to the surgical tract down the hall flew open and a young man, seemingly in excruciating pain, was rushed in on a stretcher.

“A little more prep time would have been nice…” you muttered to Nurse Chapel as you turned around to greet the team and your new patient.

Christine inclined her head toward the door. “Go with them, I’ll get the OR prepped and call Dr. McCoy for you.”

You nodded, working to dispel the tremor of uneasiness you felt at hearing his name, and quickly fell in step with the team as they continued to wheel the patient toward surgery. “What have we got here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected Christmas gift... we shall find out more about it in the next chapter! 😉


	6. Chapter 6

“This is Lieutenant Greg Meyer, 29-year-old human male, came in earlier tonight with severe abdominal pain in the lower right quadrant. Has developed a temperature over the last hour, he is tachycardic but his vitals are stable.” Dr. Garcia looked at you apologetically. “We’re so swamped down there that I didn’t get a chance to check on him before now. Scans showed that his appendix has burst.”

Great. Just great. Not only did the human race inexplicably still hold onto this useless little worm—a flap of bowel that served absolutely no purpose--but now you had to perform emergency surgery on one in the middle of the night, instead of taking part in a properly planned appendectomy later.

When you stopped outside the induction room, you noticed Lieutenant Meyer was visibly wincing with shaky breaths, the knuckles of his fists white as he clenched the blanket that covered him. 

“Did you at least give him something for the pain?!” You inquired sharply, your tone accusing as you already knew the answer to your question.

“We.. uhm… he got some Ibuprofen earlier,” was all Dr. Garcia had to offer as he worked to avoid your stare.

You shook your head in disbelief, putting a hand on your hip. “Ibuprofen? Well, that was _very_ generous of you…” You couldn’t stop yourself from huffing out ironically, not missing how much you sounded like Dr. McCoy. “Alright, we’ll take it from here.”

You didn’t pay any more attention to your colleagues from the ER, instead turning to one of the scrub nurses. “Get me some fentanyl before we move him, please.”

You reached for your patient’s hand and squeezed it, brushing your thumb softly over his knuckles while accepting the hypospray into your other hand without looking up.

“Lieutenant Meyer, your appendix has burst and you’ll need emergency surgery. This is very serious but you’re in great hands. Do you understand?”

The patient nodded as well as he could, unable to form any words and you noticed a sheen of sweat covering his forehead.

“I’ll give you something for the pain now, then we’ll pull you onto a different bed, okay?”  
The hypospray made a hissing sound as its contents were released into the patient’s bloodstream, and you could see him relax almost instantly.

As the team of anesthetists took over in the induction room you began to scrub in next door. You glanced around, slowly getting nervous. Where the hell was Dr. McCoy?

While you’d been perfectly happy when he wasn’t around earlier, you felt that now would be a damn good time for him to show up. You didn’t want to do this surgery without him. As much as you wanted to avoid being in the OR with Dr. McCoy again for the rest of your life, he was still better than being alone. 

Sure, you had performed appendectomies before. But those had taken place during the day, you had been prepared and supervised. And none of them had been emergent. 

Lieutenant Meyer needed surgery _now_ , and if McCoy wouldn’t step to the table any time soon, you would have to perform the procedure yourself.

For the first time. Unguided. Flying solo.

_Crap._

You took a deep breath, trying your best to clear your mind, then finally entered the operating room and stepped to the table. The beeping of the patient’s pulse made audible by the monitoring devices he was attached to was the only noise that could be heard. You placed your hands on the stomach in front of you and gave one last hopeful glance at the door.

“You called Dr. McCoy, right?” You had to reassure yourself before continuing. Once you made the first incision, there was no turning back. 

“We did, Dr. Y/LN. He said to start without him and that he’d be right with us.”

You nodded encouragingly to yourself. _Okay. Okay. You’ve got this_. You had opened a situs many times before. You could do it again.

You held out your gloved hand towards the scrub nurse and were surprised at how calm your voice sounded. “Scalpel.”

The first incision was easily made and from that point on, you simply took one step after the next. It was as if you didn’t have to think at all, your hands seemed to have found a life of their own as they worked through all the essential steps, cutting and dissecting in the depth of the situs and finally isolating the ruptured appendix. You were so focused on your work that you didn’t hear the door open or notice someone else stepping towards the table until you heard his voice.

“Looks like I’m a little late to the party here.” You froze, then looked up and found hazel eyes resting on you, the rest of his face covered in a surgical mask. Your pulse instantly quickened, and you began to stammer. “I… uhm… sorry I didn’t mean to…”

“You gonna remove that appendix or are you plannin’ on lettin’ it sit there for the rest of the night?” He cocked an eyebrow at you skeptically.

You still hadn’t regained the ability to form a proper sentence and had trouble processing the meaning behind his words as you stood motionless at the table for a few more heartbeats, not able to divert your gaze.

“Y/N? That appendix ain’t gonna remove itself.”

His words, if spoken in his regular tone, would normally be degrading. But this time it was somehow different. Was he _chuckling_?

Eventually, you cleared your throat and brought out a rather hoarsely sounding “Yeah, okay”, before getting back to where you had left off a few seconds ago.

Wow. Not only had Leonard McCoy _not_ shouted at you for having started on your own (and proceeded so much further than you probably should have), no, he had just _encouraged_ you to finish this surgery by yourself.

He pulled the hook he’d taken over from the nurse a little more to the side to get you a better view and you decided that it’d probably be best to just go back to work.

As it turned out, Leonard was a great assistant. He made it easy for you to do your job, had very helpful tips and tricks to share and when you had finally closed the patient up over an hour later and stepped away from the table, he even patted your shoulder approvingly.

“You did well in there, Y/N. Very well.” He undid the first tie of his mask and let it drop off his chin, giving you a smile. His eyes rested a little longer than necessary on yours before he abruptly turned around and started walking towards the wide double doors that led out of surgery so he could wash up.

You were staring blankly at his back, still trying to process this new side of Dr. McCoy when you saw him hesitate for a moment before turning around to you once more.

“I, uh... I hear there’s some real gems at the potluck buffet down in the cafeteria this year.” His eyes darted from you to the clock above your head. “I know it’s late... or early, really, but... would you care to join me for a little mid-night snack?”

You felt your jaw drop slightly at his words. He wanted to eat with _you_?

You tried to stutter out a coherent response. “Oh. Y-yeah, I mean. I saw the food earlier and it looked really good.” Your nerves were on high alert, and you wanted a moment to gather your thoughts before joining him at the cafeteria. “How about you stop by the on-call room on the second floor when you’re ready to eat? I’m just going to change first and check my messages then we’ll go down together.”

_Check my messages, yeah right. As if I have any messages to check. In the middle of the night._ You tried to keep a neutral expression as Dr. McCoy nodded.

“Alright, see you in a bit.” He turned around again and left the room, leaving you standing by yourself in a state of confusion and shock before you finally came to your senses and went to wash your hands.


	7. Chapter 7

Several minutes later, you stood in the dimly lit storage closet turned on-call room wearing a fresh pair of scrubs. Now that you were finished changing, you opened the door again a crack, feeling claustrophobic in the tight space when the door was totally closed. There was barely enough room for the twin bed, tiny nightstand with a lamp and comm unit that currently occupied the closet as it was.

While you waited for Leonard, you sat at the edge of the bed and flicked on the solitary lamp, trying to collect your thoughts. Yes, he had acted uncharacteristically warm to you today. And yes, he’d actually _complimented_ you on a job well done after the appendectomy you’d performed. But that didn’t mean he liked you.

He’d asked you to eat a meal with him. But it was here, at the hospital. And for a few more hours, it was still Christmas. He’d probably been struck by a wayward burst of holiday spirit and was just being polite.

You suddenly remembered the mysterious present tucked away in the black gift box. You gently picked it up from the nightstand where you’d placed it after you changed, holding the box in your hands as you wondered where it came from. Slowly, you took the necklace out again, letting the chain dangle from your fingers as you took in the polished stone.

“Glad you like it.”

His voice startled you since your back was to the door, and you whipped your head around to see Dr.McCoy leaning against the doorframe. The meaning of his words dawned on you, and you couldn’t help it when your mouth dropped agape for the second time that day.

“W-what?” Your eyes widened as you looked back at the necklace in your hand.

He shifted his weight a bit, crossing his arms as he continued to lean against the frame. “My momma was really into gemstones. She had ‘em takin’ up shelves in her bedroom all the time. Apparently, quartz is supposed to cleanse your mind....give you more clarity and all that. Thought it’d be something that you’d like.” His voice was soft, and you looked up again as he said this, your eyes still wide in disbelief.

He cleared his throat in your stunned silence, trying to bring back his usual unflappable exterior. “Not that I believe in that type of stuff, mind you. Just somethin’ I grew up with.”

You didn’t know if it was the late hour, the fact that you hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep in days, or the emotional roller coaster you’d been riding since your shifts with Dr. McCoy had first begun, but you suddenly felt a powerful rush of emotion rise up through you that you were powerless to hold back.

“What....what in the _hell_ is this supposed to be?” You clenched your fist around the necklace, feeling frustrated tears pricking around your eyelids.

His face went slack, clearly not expecting this reaction. “It’s a Christmas present.”

“But.... _why?_ Why, all of a sudden, are you giving me a gift?” You couldn’t help the coldness of your words, the blatant disregard for his thoughtfulness. You’d had it. You were done playing games. You needed answers and you needed them now.

He cocked up an eyebrow as he scoffed in irritation. “What, can’t a guy give a present on Christmas damn Day without getting the third degree?”

You tossed the necklace on the bedspread next to you, running your hands over your face before turning to him again. “This doesn’t make any sense to me! I don’t get it! First, you think I’m the worst doctor in the world.... everything I ever did under your supervision was nowhere near good enough. There was always something that I had to change, something you didn’t like.”

You stood up now, pacing in the tiny closet as well as you could manage, fully aware of his bewildered stare out of the corner of your eye. “I consoled myself in the fact that you treated everyone like this. But then, it got even tougher and I tried to match up to your hideously high expectations that no one would have a hope in hell to reach. You chew up residents and spit them out like it’s going out of style! I never know where I stand with you. It’s maddening!”

You were fully invested now, and there was no turning back. “And then, that morning in the OR when I made that mistake and that patient died. You made me feel like I was completely incompetent, a waste of skin...”

You were shaking now, all the pent-up frustration and anger flowing freely in full view of you both. A few tears had escaped and you brushed them away impatiently.

“Well, guess what! I’m competent as shit! I know _exactly_ what I’m doing! And when I don’t, I’m always learning and trying to get better. No one is ever perfect.” You stared at him full on now. “Not even you!”

Those words rang in your ears as you looked at him, waiting for him to say something. You only stood a few steps away from him now, and his eyes hadn’t left you for a second. He was letting your emotions crash into him like a tidal wave, waiting for them to finally break. He stood up straight, no longer leaning on the frame as he listened to you silently.

Your chest was heaving as you caught your breath and he swallowed, never taking his eyes off your face as he finally responded in a low voice. “You wanna know what I think of you?”

“Yes! Please, for the love of God!”

“You wanna know what I think?”

“Come on, tell me!”

In one fluid motion, Leonard closed the distance between you and planted a kiss to your lips so fast you barely had time to register it. His hand went to the back of your head and he pressed you closer, your eyes closing as you finally responded to the kiss, letting your body act on autopilot as your mind went totally blank.

Your hands clutched his shoulders and the kiss deepened, rough with the raw emotion hanging in the air. He kicked the door closed and backed you against the wall, entangling his hand in your hair as you clung to him.

Finally, his lips parted from yours for air and you felt them graze against your neck, leading a hot trail up to your earlobe as you gave out a shaky breath.

“Is it clear how I feel now?” His words vibrated low in your ear and you nodded, unable to form words.

You continued to grasp at his shoulders, feeling the goosebumps travel up your arms as he continued to caress your body, his touch sending tingles of pleasure through every inch of you. He brought his mouth to yours again and you parted your lips, letting his tongue enter with fervor. A moan escaped you and you couldn’t believe where you were at this moment. Ever since you had met Leonard McCoy, you’d felt drawn to him in some way, and even when you’d done your best to ignore these feelings they had always been there, deep down underneath, no matter how hard you had pushed them away. And even though you felt his lips on yours right now you couldn’t believe that this was actually happening, and you prayed to God and all that was holy that it wasn’t just a dream.

Your hands acted on their own, tugging his scrub top up over his head urgently as he did the same to you. The clothes hit the floor haphazardly as your bodies barely parted from each other, needing to be close. Your hands clutched at the back of his neck as he dipped his head to your shoulder, gently reaching around to unhook the clasp of your bra.

You marveled at how gentle his hands were as they worked the delicate fabric; you had always admired them when he was working in surgery. You felt the clasp let go and quickly wriggled out of the straps. His warm hands were against your breasts in no time and you continued to kiss passionately as if you were both afraid the other would disappear into thin air.

You weren’t sure if it was Leonard or you who made the move to the twin bed in the opposite corner of the room, but before long you had your back against the mattress and his body was overtop of you as his hands roamed across your skin in long sensuous strokes. You simply couldn’t get enough of him; it was like your senses were starved and you craved each touch. You wanted to experience everything about this man—the sound of his ragged breathing, his smell, his taste. Your eyes locked together and it was then that you knew for sure that you were going all the way.

You felt his hand caress your cheek as you pulled down your scrub pants eagerly, lurching your head forward to meet his lips with yours again when you felt him pull away slightly.

“Wait,” he tried to stop you. “We should use…” You understood immediately.

“No, it’s ok. I’m on the pill,” you reassured him before pulling him close again and bringing your lips together once more, longing for this connection between you. You could sense that the rest of his clothing was removed as he wrapped the lone blanket around you both, making sure to keep you warm.

With one last look of permission, he carefully parted your legs with his thighs and you clutched his shoulders, keeping eye contact as he entered you slowly. He placed both hands at your hips and began to move tentatively inside you. You reclined your head, dug your fingers into the muscles of his arms, and arched your back to meet his gentle thrusts in desperate need for more, urging him to pick up the pace. It wasn’t long before you were moving in a quick rhythm together, breathy gasps for air echoing off the walls of the closet. Each stroke brought waves of pleasure that you never wanted to end.

You let go of him and laid both arms above your head, feeling a bead of sweat trail its way down your back as you devoted yourself to the moment. He laced his fingers with yours as you both neared the end, your movements becoming more and more erratic.

You let out one last gasp as your body swooned and your legs clenched around his waist, his body quivering slightly as he let out a groan to match. You closed your eyes and let the moment wash over you, enjoying every last bit of it.

Leonard lowered his forehead onto your shoulder, taking in a few shaky breaths before he finally pulled out of you and rolled over to the side. The bed was too small for both of you to lay next to each other and it took you a few moments to adjust. You ended up on your side with your head and hand resting on his chest, his left arm wrapped around your shoulder while he rearranged the blanket with his other hand until it covered both of you again.

You closed your eyes and snuggled into his embrace, taking in his scent and the warmth of his body, humming contently when he began to trace his fingertips softly over the skin of your exposed left arm.

“Well, that was quite… unexpected.” You murmured the words into the crook of his neck, not daring to open your eyes for fear of realizing that this had just been a very vivid fantasy playing out in your head.

“ _Good_ unexpected, I hope?” His chest vibrated underneath your cheek as he spoke and you smiled lazily as he continued to trace gentle circles across your arm.

“I should have spoken my mind sooner.” You chuckled silently.

“I’m glad you did now.”

You both lay together in silence for a while longer, basking in contentment. Your mind was finally at ease for the time being, and you let your thoughts wander as you closed your eyes, wanting nothing more than to stay in this position for the rest of the night.

Unfortunately, fate had other ideas. Two sharp raps on the closed door to the storage closet startled you out of a light sleep and you lifted your head up off Leonard’s chest.

“Dr. Y/LN?” There was a female voice just outside the door.

You tilted your head to meet Leonard's eyes in panic. “Oh god.”

He laid a finger to your lips gently. “Shh. They’ll go away eventually.”

You both waited with bated breath, hoping whoever was on the other side of the door would take the hint and leave.

Another knock.

“Dr. Y/LN? It’s Christine. Sorry to wake you but you’re needed on the ward.”

Leonard huffed out a sigh and you lolled your head back in defeat. “I guess I better go answer her.”

He gave you a light kiss to the top of the head in agreement and you rolled away from him, missing the warmth of his body instantly. You were about to make your way to the door when you realized you were completely naked.

“Ah...one moment, Christine,” you called towards the door as you quickly stooped down to pick up your scrubs that had been tossed across the floor, pulling them on as quickly as you could manage. You swore you could hear Leonard snicker just behind you as you hopped on one foot, struggling to pull your pants up.

You pushed your hair away from your face and pulled the door open just enough to see into the hallway, hiding the rest of the room from view.

“What’s going on?” you asked, trying to make your voice sound groggy as if she’d awoken you from a deep sleep.

“There’s a patient that’s developed what appears to be post-surgical delirium over the last few hours. I would handle it myself, but you forgot to authorize the use of dexmedetomidine on his chart and you know the regulations on that.”

You nodded in understanding as she continued, keeping a firm grip on the door. “You can go down and sign for it and I’ll get the perfusor set up once I’ve found Dr. McCoy.” You felt your heart rate pick up at her words, the faint tingle between your legs a reminder of what you had just done with the doctor in question.

Christine huffed in annoyance and you sensed she was grumbling more to herself than addressing you. “He’s not answering his comm and seems to think I don’t have anything better to do with my time than go looking for him all over this hospital in the middle of the night…”

You sighed and nodded again, hoping she would take the hint and leave. “Alright. I’ll be down in a few minutes. Thank you.”

Before you were able to shut the door again you saw Christine give you a slight double-take and her eyebrows raised in concern. “Y/N? Are you alright? You look like you’re absolutely exhausted.”

You tried to think up a fast explanation for your disheveled appearance as you smoothed your hair back with one hand. “Oh, I uh. Yeah, I know. I tried to take a nap but...the mattress in here is so lumpy that I couldn’t really get comfortable.” You could tell as soon as you said it that your weak excuse wouldn’t work.

Nurse Chapel creased her brows in confusion. “What? That’s a brand-new mattress in there. I’m sure of it! All of the on-call rooms should have gotten new ones. A few of the other nurses took care of the delivery last week. I better look to make sure.”

“Oh, what? No, no, no, you don’t have to--”

She pushed the door open wider, too fast for you to stop her. She was about to enter the on-call room fully when she stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of Dr. McCoy wearing nothing but a blanket on the twin bed.

You held your breath and bit your bottom lip hard, wishing a black hole would open up right here and now and suck you in.

“I guess I don’t have to keep looking for you anymore.” Christine lifted an eyebrow at Leonard while trying very hard to stop the corners of her mouth from twitching up.

You felt your cheeks burn in embarrassment and reckoned that leaving the scene would probably be the best defense. Without saying anything more to Nurse Chapel or Leonard, you turned away and hurriedly made your way down to the ward, deciding that this was hands down the most awkward moment of your entire life.

When you had safely vanished behind the elevator doors at the end of the hall, Christine was still standing in the doorway of the on-call room with her eyes trained on Leonard in disapproval.

“This,” she gestured towards the bed Leonard was still laying in, “was not what I had in mind when I told you to _fix things_ with her…”

He sighed, tugging the blanket around his body more securely. “Look, before you start in on me, let me just say--”

She held up a hand to stop him, her other resting on the doorknob. “Save the explanation, Doctor. Now, how about getting dressed and going down to the ward to do your job?”

She was about to turn and leave him to it when she stopped and glanced over her shoulder. “I’m glad you finally got your act together. You better not mess this up.”

His lips crooked up into a lopsided smirk. “I have no intention of that. Thanks for the advice, by the way. You’re wise beyond your years.”

“I know. Now for God sakes, put some pants on and get downstairs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, they finally... talked. 😉  
> More to come tomorrow!


	8. Chapter 8

When you arrived at the hospital the following night and changed into your scrubs before your shift, you didn’t know what to feel. Your emotions were all over the place, a tangled web of knots that you had no hopes of straightening out anytime soon. These December night shifts were definitely proving to be interesting.   
It was now the day after Christmas, and you hadn’t seen Leonard again ever since Christine had asked you to come down to the ward the night before. Once you had actually gotten down there and signed off the medication in question, you got pulled from one problem to the next, thankful for the distraction the work provided. When your shift had ended shortly after, you quickly left the hospital, trying to avoid facing Nurse Chapel again.

But today you couldn’t count on being so lucky—odds were that you would run into her at some point. You had decided you would try and act as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, but you knew that was easier said than done. A lot had happened, a whole heck of a lot.

When you closed your eyes you still felt Leonard’s warm touch on your skin, smelled his scent, felt his weight on you. But along with all those sweet memories, the sting of embarrassment burned and you wished that Christine had never opened that door.

You checked the board on your way to the ward and saw that Mr. Smith from Room 4 was scheduled for a revision later that night. You sighed. The old man had his pancreas removed four weeks ago but ran into some severe wound healing disturbances soon afterward. This would be his third revision because of wound dehiscence in the past two weeks. His prognosis was not looking positive. 

The nurses seated at the still festively-decorated nurse’s station stopped talking immediately as you approached, looking up at you the moment you stepped closer to retrieve your PADD.

You nodded at them, feeling a sense of unease in your stomach under their scrutiny and quickly walked down the hall towards the patient rooms. Did they know? Had Christine told all your co-workers how she ran into you and Leonard last night? Were they giggling behind your back?   
You tried to push all those negative thoughts away and keep a clear mind as you did a quick check on each patient, keeping your attention on your rounds and pretending everything was perfectly normal.

When you returned to the station, your heart skipped a beat in anticipation as you recognized the figure that was leisurely leaning against the counter. You took a deep breath and placed the PADD back on its docking station on the desk, trying not to let your eyes linger too long on the man who never failed to quicken your pulse.

When you dared to look up again, your eyes met his and for a brief moment the world around you stopped existing and you found yourself drowning in those hazel orbs, biting your bottom lip in uncertainty. You had no idea how to go about acting towards him now, after everything that had happened these past few days. 

He gave you a warm smile and said something in your general direction but your thoughts were on overdrive and you missed it completely.

He looked at you expectantly as if waiting for an answer, and it was only then that you realized he was speaking to you.

“I… uh…” you sighed, annoyed at how distracted you sounded. “Sorry, what was that you were saying, Dr. McCoy?” You were barely able to form a sentence, your eyes glued to his lips as the memories of what he did with them the night before danced in your mind’s eye.

He chuckled at your glazed look, prompting the nurses at the station to glance from you back to him in puzzlement.

“I asked if you were wantin’ to come with me so we can scrub in for Mr. Smith’s revision.”  
“Oh, right. The revision. Yeah. I saw that.....earlier.” You gestured towards the hallway. “On the board.....”

_Oh god._ You were making a complete and utter fool of yourself. McCoy raised both eyebrows at your staccato stumble, and you could have sworn you saw his mouth twitch up for half a second before he turned and made his way towards the doors.

“Right. Are you comin’ or what?” He looked back at you.

“Yes, yes I’m coming,” you were quick to answer and threw a sideways glance towards the nurses before you left. “So, I’m going now......to the washroom. To scrub in for surgery. Like we do.......as surgeons.”

_Smooth_. You closed your eyes painfully for a moment before finally following Leonard through the doors and towards the elevator that would take you both up to surgery.

When the elevator doors slid shut, you suddenly became very aware of Leonard’s presence close to your body in this small, confined space. You wanted to step closer, to touch him, feel him.....but you weren’t sure if what happened between you two the night before in that storage closet had been a one-time thing or not.

You didn’t know how to treat him at all. Would it be ok to take his hand right now? You wanted to touch him so badly--quite frankly you wanted _him_ to touch _you_ even more, but was any of that even appropriate? It had been late last night, and the argument had been heated. It led to unexpected things happening, things he might be regretting right now.  
You were so caught up in your somersaulting thoughts that you didn’t see him move at all. Only when you felt his hand lightly cupping your cheek were you brought back to the reality of him standing mere inches away from you, his head tilted slightly sideways, eyes looking at you intently.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” His voice was soft and calming and everything you needed to hear. “You seem upset.”

You could only bring yourself to nod as your senses were fully focused on him and his close proximity to you in this elevator. You held your breath as he stepped closer and your lips met in a tender kiss. You didn’t know how much you’d ached to feel this again until it happened, and now you didn’t know how you could ever live without it.

You were aware of every nerve ending in your body coming alive under this touch as you began to kiss him back, carefully at first. But as you stepped even closer, he deepened the kiss and you sighed against him breathlessly. You placed both hands on his chest and felt his muscles work underneath his scrubs as he moved his other arm to your back to pull you closer to him. Your sigh became a moan as his lips began to travel from your mouth down along the side of your neck towards your clavicle, planting hot kisses onto your soft skin. You closed your eyes and leaned your head back slightly against the wall of the elevator, exposing more skin for him to caress.

You heard the warning bell chime out suddenly, indicating that you were almost at the surgical floor. In a moment of lust, you reached over to the elevator panel next to you and held the button for the top floor, not wanting this moment to end. His hot kisses kept on searing against your skin as you continued to hold the button, the elevator obeying you and skipping the surgical floor on its way to the top.

You placed your hand to Leonard’s neck, pressing his lips deeper into your skin as you planted kisses along his earlobe. You felt him respond favorably under your touch, his grip on you intensifying as he pulled back and met your lips with his yet again. It was more urgent this time, the kisses rougher and less refined. You felt his hands slide up the sides of your body, taking in every curve as he teased you with his tongue.

You felt the elevator stop and the doors slide open as it had reached the top floor of the hospital. This floor was usually deserted but you still pushed him away immediately, not wanting to risk another embarrassing work incident.

Leonard gave you a look of surprise, then realized why you’d stopped. He turned around and noticed the floor number illuminated on the elevator panel.

“Why’d we stop at the top floor? I must’ve hit the wrong button or somethin’.” His voice was husky from the excitement, and he punched the button for the correct floor, the doors sliding shut again as the elevator began its descent.

You pulled him back to you and giggled under your breath. “That might have something to do with me. I, uh....might have wanted to extend our ride by a few floors.”

He cocked up an eyebrow in amusement. “Oh, I see now.”

The small bell sounded again a minute later, indicating that the elevator had finally reached your destination.

Leonard brushed the hair away from your face as he smiled down at you. You leaned into his touch in the last few seconds you had before the elevator door opened, breathing out contently as his thumb traced over your heated skin before he let go and reached for something in the pocket of his scrubs.

You recognized the small object dangling from his hand at once. It was the necklace he had given to you for Christmas.   
“Found that in bed after our little encounter with Nurse Chapel this morning.” He chuckled, then opened the clasp of the necklace and placed it around your neck. “Thought you might wanna have it back.”

The elevator doors closed again as you reached for the small pendant and grinned back at him. You were wondering where the necklace had disappeared to. “She didn’t believe the story about the mattress.”

“No, she didn’t.” Leonard reached for the panel and pushed the button to open the door again with a smirk. “To avoid her running into us, we’ll use my office next time.”

Both your eyebrows shot up at this, but you didn’t get a chance to say anything because when the doors opened, Leonard stepped out of the elevator. You needed a few more seconds to recompose, still trying to get your brain to process what Leonard had implied, but you were failing miserably.   
Before the doors shut on you yet again, you quickly stepped out and followed Leonard into the washroom to scrub up.   
Whatever this thing was between the two of you, it seemed as if it was not just a one-time thing.


	9. Chapter 9

“Do you wanna take the lead on this one?” Leonard glanced over at you while he rinsed the soap off his hands.

“Are you asking me that because we slept together?” Your tone was teasing.

“No.” He dried his hands. “I’m askin’ you because you’re a very capable resident.”

He stepped closer with his hands held in front of his chest, careful not to touch anything with them as he leaned in and whispered low against your ear. “But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be interested in a repeat performance later tonight, darlin’.”

You sucked in a breath at his words and felt your cheeks burn. He was already halfway out the door before you were able to move again.

When you stood at the table opposite each other under the bright surgical light you had finally managed to regain your composure. You were glad for it too, because the procedure you two were about to perform was not a simple one.   
“This is John Smith, status after Whipple procedure because of pancreatic carcinoma four weeks ago. He’s had several revisions because of wound dehiscence and here we are again tonight.” The anesthetist started off the team-timeout. “My name is Dr. Lee and I am your anesthetist for the night.”

“This here is Dr.Y/LN, Nurse Harris, and I’m Dr. McCoy,” Leonard pointed at you, the scrub nurse, and then himself. “Dr. Y/LN will perform the surgery, I’ll assist her.”

That earned you a surprised look from Nurse Harris and Dr. Lee, which you chose to ignore as Leonard continued. “We’ll probably end up placing a VAC sponge in there, but if we start now and everything goes as smoothly as anticipated, it won’t take long and we should all be in bed within the next hour.” The image of Leonard in bed with you suddenly popped up in your mind, making blood rush to your face spontaneously without your permission. 

“Shall we get started?” His voice pulled you out of your reverie and brought you back to the operating table and the task at hand. Before you started the surgery, you felt his eyes resting on you and were, yet again, thankful for the mask that covered most of your face and didn’t expose your blush to everyone present.

The actual surgery was rather uneventful. You found the sutures on the fascia to be mostly intact and the small dehiscence was an easy fix. As predicted by Leonard there was no way for you to close the wound without applying a VAC sponge, which turned out to be a rather tricky endeavor and you were thankful for Leonard’s help when applying the foil that sealed the sponge and marked the end of the revision.

“Surgeon writes the report.” Leonard still had his mask on but you could tell he was smirking by the tone of his voice as he stepped away from the table. “I’ll see you later.”

To your dismay, you neither saw Dr. McCoy nor your bed (let alone both at the same time) for the rest of your shift, since you were kept busy for the majority of the night after the surgery.

You had just finished examining a patient with chronic pancreatitis who hadn’t responded well to the greasy Christmas food he enjoyed over the past couple of days, and were heading back to the nurses’ station to get started on the associated paperwork when you realized that the one person you’d been dreading running into ever since last night was sitting at one of the desks.

Nurse Chapel.

You stopped in your tracks and were estimating your chances of turning around unnoticed when her eyes flicked up from the screen she’d been working on and looked right at you.

Great. So much for a silent retreat.

_Okay, just stay cool_. You tried to keep your face composed in a neutral expression as you continued walking towards the station, nodding at Nurse Chapel as you reached for your PADD as casually as possible.

Her gaze dropped to the necklace around your neck. “You figured out who that present was from after all, I see.” Her tone was calm and collected, and you tried to keep yours likewise.

Holding the PADD in front of you, you trained your eyes on it as you pretended to scroll through the patient list casually. “Yes, I did. It was a wonderful gift. Turns out Leonard McCoy is really a good guy underneath it all.”

“That he is. But he isn’t without his flaws.”

You kept your eyes on the PADD, wondering what she was getting at. “He can be a grump and a real pain in the neck, for sure,” you added hesitantly. “But I think we understand each other.”

Christine began typing at her keyboard and you figured the conversation was over, so you started to turn away when her voice stopped you.

“I hope you don’t plan on dropping him after you’ve had your fun. He’s been hurt before, and I don’t intend on seeing him hurt again if I can help it.”

The eyes that met yours now were hard and unyielding, and you felt as if she could see right through you. You wondered at her words, wondered how often Dr. McCoy had been hurt by someone he cared for. You had absolutely no intention of doing that to him. In fact, you were more afraid that the reverse would occur---that he would be the one to cause _you_ heartbreak.

You hadn’t responded yet, staring at Christine with your lips parted in mild surprise. You saw her look immediately soften, and you were glad the nurse’s station was deserted considering the impromptu heart-to-heart you were currently involved in right now.

“I won’t tell anyone about what I saw in the on-call room.” Her voice was sincere, and you believed her. “I want you guys to be happy. I just wanted to make sure....you knew what you were getting into. Dr. McCoy and I have worked together for years. I consider him one of my closest friends.”

You nodded in understanding, realizing her words were born only out of concern for her long-time friend. “I completely understand, Christine. You don’t have to worry about me.”

After one last look, her eyes returned to the screen before her and the conversation was at an end.

Soon you were back in the employee lounge, replaying your conversation with Nurse Chapel as you took your things out of your locker while looking forward to the moment when your head would finally hit your pillow. You’d gained some peace of mind now that you knew Christine would not be blurting out your little secret to the rest of the staff.

The next few nightshifts went in much the same way as this one had; you and Dr. McCoy would perform a couple of surgeries together, with him allowing you to take the lead and stepping back to lend support and helpful hints as needed. Afterwards, you would get caught up with other duties elsewhere in the hospital and time would pass by as if it were on fast-forward. Then eventually the commotion would die down, and you would find yourself slipping away with Leonard to various private locations in the building, re-creating that first encounter of Christmas Day together.

There was one time in particular that your mind kept floating back to non-stop. It had happened the night before last, and you were both lying in bed after being together in one of the on-call rooms, wrapped in blankets and basking in the afterglow of it all with your head against his chest. You had never felt so comfortable in your whole life, and you didn’t even fight it when your eyes had started to drift shut. Before you knew it, they were open again and Dr. McCoy was nowhere to be seen. The bed seemed rather cold and empty without him, all the warmth and comfort you’d indulged in before now lost completely. You figured he’d left at some point while you’d slept and gone back to work. You sensed your heart dip a bit in irrational disappointment. You knew he couldn’t possibly stay with you forever here; he was still on-duty after all. But you missed him all the same.

You’d laid back in bed for a few more moments, letting yourself wake up fully before swinging your legs off the side and pulling your scrubs back over your head. You checked your portable comm unit idly as you rubbed your face, hoping to remove any sleep creases that lingered there. With a start, you realized you’d been paged for emergency surgery almost two hours ago.

Your heart had started hammering in your ribcage as you threw the unit to the bedspread and hurriedly started hunting for your shoes in a mad panic. You were about to upend the mattress altogether when you heard the door creak open behind you along with soft footfalls as Leonard entered the room again.

He saw your wild expression and laid a hand on your arm immediately. “What’s goin’ on with you? What’s the matter?”

“I....they paged me! I’ve gotta get downstairs for surgery and--”

He placed his other hand to you, trying to keep you calm as a smirk played across his lips. “Don’t worry about that. I took care of it.”

Your heart was still hammering as you tilted your head in confusion. “You....took care of it?”

His touch was warm against your skin as he led you both to sit at the edge of the bed.

“I heard your comm go off. I thought about wakin’ you up but you just looked so damn peaceful I didn’t have the heart to do it.” Your breath hitched at the small smile he gave you, almost bashful as he looked to the floor. “Hope you don’t mind. It wasn’t anythin’ complicated. You didn’t miss out.” 

The memory of that night was your absolute favorite, and you thought back to it often. He’d been so thoughtful and sincere, and the lovemaking that night had been especially passionate. The novelty of being with Leonard like this hadn’t worn off on you yet. You never got used to being held so tenderly or kissed with such passion, and you hoped you never would. One night you both ventured into his office, and the next night it was one of the unfinished patient rooms on the top floor. Each time was new and exciting, and you found yourself eagerly awaiting the moment during shift when he would find you and pull you away secretly with him.

But as wonderful and unforgettable as each of these encounters were, it became harder and harder to push away the nagging doubt that got more apparent with each passing day. You’d been in a relationship or two in the past, where all it was about was the physical aspect with no real emotional attachment. This had been perfectly fine back then since you had wanted casual sex and nothing more. But Leonard meant more to you than those other relationships ever had.

You couldn’t stop thinking about him - he dominated your thoughts whenever you weren’t at work, and when you were with him, you never wanted to leave. You knew you were catching feelings _bad_ , feelings that ran deep underneath the surface, so deep it almost scared you. And you weren’t quite sure if he felt the same way, which was even scarier. What if what you were sharing together was nothing more than just a sensual, exciting adventure for him?

You hadn’t worked up the courage to broach this topic quite yet, not wanting to ruin any of the time you spent together with a heavy subject like this.

Your fingers closed around the pendant he’d given you, something you wore every day now, tucked underneath the neckline of your scrubs. You didn’t think anyone would give such a beautiful present like this to someone they didn’t have at least _some_ feelings for, but you still weren’t completely sure. Maybe he was just good at giving gifts?

You were about to leave the hospital now, looking forward to some much-needed sleep before your last nightshift tomorrow. Before you left, you decided to take one last glance at the PADD in the nurse’s station, but it wasn’t in its usual spot. You were searching the counter on the other side of the station when you overheard Nurse Chapel talking to one of the younger nurses, their backs turned to you.

You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but you couldn’t stop yourself from listening to them as you continued your search.

“Is it true that the _Enterprise_ is fixed? I heard it’ll be ready to go within the first week of January,” you heard the young nurse inquire. “I figured it wouldn’t be for another month at least.”

“That’s what I heard, too,” Nurse Chapel confirmed as she crossed her arms and leaned against the row of cabinets behind her. “The Chief Engineer himself, Mr. Scott gave me the great news this morning after my shift.”

“What a fantastic belated Christmas present, Nurse Chapel!”

“You seem pretty excited about it.”

You heard the other nurse exhale in agreement. “You bet I am. I can’t wait to be leaving York Town with the _Enterprise_ crew again. Don’t get me wrong, York Town is wonderful and all, but life here can get rather… dull. It’s been forever since we first landed here!”

“It has,“ Christine concurred.

“I wonder who’ll replace Dr. McCoy here, though? It’s been a while since they’ve had such a capable surgeon at York Town Medical. I bet they’re sorry to see him go.”  
The nurses left the counter then and started to wander down the hall, their words growing muffled. You shut the cabinet you’d been looking in, abandoning your search for the PADD as your thoughts raced over what you’d just heard.

The _Enterprise_ was going to leave York Town. _Leonard_ was going to leave York Town.

He had not said one single word about this to you. Not one.  
To be fair, you hadn’t spent much time talking when you were with him as you were both concentrated on other stimulating activities. But this… _this_ would be something you’d expect him to tell you.

Sure, you knew that he was the CMO of the _Enterprise_ and that, at some point in the future, he would be resuming his duties on board the Flagship of the Fleet, but not so soon. And not without giving you a heads up.  
If this was more to him than just a fling, just a fun little distraction from his dull life at York Town Medical, he would have said something. He _should_ have said something.

But he hadn’t, which showed you that you hadn’t been wrong. In the end, this thing between you hadn’t meant anything more to him. It had all been in your head.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Reader...  
> More to come tomorrow!


	10. Chapter 10

You felt your heart break. You had been a fool for letting him in like that, for allowing yourself to fall for that man at the first sign of interest he showed towards you.  
God, you had been so stupid. So naive.  
But you were not going to allow him to break your heart entirely. No. You were going to break things up with him before he got a chance to do the same and hurt your even more.  
You huffed out a breath as you sat alone in your bedroom. As if that could be prevented anymore.

But could you really blame Leonard? After all, it had been _you_ who jumped at the slightest display of affection he’d given to you like a pathetic little dog.  
You’d been nothing but a pastime for him before the _Enterprise_ left and he could pick up the life he’d left off in space. A life you weren’t a part of.

All you had been was something nice to experience along the way. A pleasurable sight-seeing tour to pass the time.  
Your anger thundered through your veins and you felt yourself shake. Suddenly, you reached for the pendant on your neck and clenched your fist around it as you felt bitter tears welling in your eyes. With a resolute movement, you yanked at the piece of jewelry and the clasp snapped. You threw it hastily into the corner of your small bedroom, curling into a ball on the bed and wishing this had all been a dream. 

The gemstone had brought clarity to you all right, just as he had said. You swiped away the hot tears indignantly as they started to run down your cheeks unchecked. Nurse Chapel’s words from a few days ago came back to you. She had asked _you_ not to hurt Leonard. You laughed out drily. Obviously, she didn’t know him as well as she claimed.

When you finally got up that night to go to your last shift of the year, you felt completely wrecked. You had not managed to get any sleep, too busy tossing and turning in bed as your thoughts spiraled, not giving you any peace and quiet. No time to rest and recharge.

Your head was throbbing painfully and your eyes were still slightly puffy from crying when you made your way to the ward after changing into a fresh pair of scrubs. A glance at the board in the hallway showed you that there was one minor surgery scheduled. A certain Ensign Brown required surgical wound care before starting a regen cycle with the dermal regenerators.

Seeing your name up there next to Leonard’s felt different now. While you’d been more than eager to join him in surgery and other activities the nights before, you were not looking forward to seeing him tonight.

You tapped a finger on the board to get more information about the case. The young man had been handling explosives and managed to get half his leg blown open when the devices exploded unexpectedly as he was still handling them. You shook your head in dismay. A completely unnecessary injury due to improper use of explosive devices. It was very likely that he had tried to create his own pyrotechnic article. On a star-base no less, where explosives of any kind were strictly forbidden. He was lucky to still be in one piece. This would require quite a lot of old-fashioned stitches.

You sighed, then walked on towards the ward. The Christmas decorations at the nurse’s station had been upgraded with a few silver and gold balloons, each of them labeled with a sparkly “Happy New Year”, and there were glittery paper streamers spread out on the counter.

“Dr. Y/YL,” Nurse Chapel greeted you rather cheerfully, but her smile subsided when she took a closer look at you. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Just a little tired, is all.” You brushed her concern off quickly. “Do you need something?”

“Dr. McCoy asked for you to come by his office before surgery on Ensign Brown, once you’re done with your rounds. He said to bring last night’s reports.”

There was no teasing in her voice, no winking, no hint of _“I know what you two are up to”._ She had stayed true to her promise not to tell anyone about you and Leonard, and it seemed as if she had no intention of changing her mind.  
Your face pulled into a frown before you could stop it. “If he wants those damn reports, he knows where to find them in the system.” You were surprised at how harsh your voice sounded but you didn’t care. “It’s not that hard. A brilliant surgeon such as himself shouldn’t have any trouble.”

You grabbed the PADD from the nurse’s station and turned away, marching off to start your rounds, leaving a speechless Christine behind.

Most of your patients were already asleep when you entered their rooms. You checked their vitals, updated their charts, chatted to the nurses in charge to see if there was anything you needed to be aware of, letting the work distract you from the anger and despair festering in your heart.  
Mr. Smith was doing surprisingly well after the latest revision you’d performed on him a few nights ago. When you stood at his bed and saw the older man sleeping peacefully, you felt a sense of contentment well up inside you. It did feel good to see that your work could make a change, even if it was just a small one.  
You took your time with rounds, waiting for the surgical team to let you know when Ensign Brown had arrived. Eventually, there were no more charts to be updated, no more exams to be performed, no more unanswered questions to address and you reluctantly made your way back to the station.

“A bunch of us are all goin’ up to the rooftop at midnight, Dr. Y/N, “one of the staff nurses informed you as you returned your PADD to its place. “The _Enterprise_ is stationed at York Town and will be in charge of the fireworks this year, before heading out into the black again!” She sounded excited.

Hearing about the _Enterprise_ being part of the New Year’s celebrations hurt you more than you were willing to admit. You forced a smile on your face before answering.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll see if I can make it up there,” you nodded at her. “Still have to patch up a little firecracker in surgery though.” Right on cue your comm beeped and you were informed that Ensign Brown had arrived in the OR. You turned around and left the ward to make your way up to surgical, hoping to be faster than Leonard so you wouldn’t have to talk to him in the washroom while scrubbing up.

But you were not so lucky. He was already there when you arrived and greeted you with a big smile as he looked up from washing his hands. “Y/N! I’ve been waitin’ for you in my office. Too busy to pay me a visit, were ya?”

He leaned in towards you as if to kiss your cheek but you pulled away, avoiding his eyes as you turned the water on and reached for the soap. “Yeah.”

His brow shot up at your tone. “Is everythin’ ok, darlin’?”

“Sure,” you held your hands up in front of your chest, still not looking at him. “Shall we get to the Ensign now? Those stitches aren’t going to magically appear on his leg.” You opened the door to the OR with your back, pushing past a bewildered Leonard.

You let the scrub nurse dress you, then you took your place at the table, still avoiding Leonard’s gaze that you could feel burning a hole into you from across the room.

“This is Ensign Brown who clearly had too much time on his hands and experimented with fireworks,” you began, leading your team into the surgery. “Blew up his right leg. We are going to close the wound and send him to the ward to receive dermal regen treatment afterward. My name is Dr. Y/LN, and this is nurse Harris. Dr. McCoy here will also be assisting me if he decides to step up to the table any time soon.”

Nurse Harris sucked in a loud breath at your sharp tone. You couldn’t help yourself; your anger was volatile underneath the surface, waiting to lash out at any moment. You did your best to wipe your mind clean and set your attention to the surgery, choosing to pretend that Dr. McCoy wasn’t in the room unless you needed him for something.

You inspected the gnarled leg in front of you for a few moments, then reached out your hand towards Nurse Harris, your eyes never leaving the wound. “Needle holder and forceps, please.”  
The nurse looked from you to Leonard, only giving you the requested items after Leonard had nodded his approval. It was rather tricky to apply the needle at the right angle in the depth of the wound, and the way Leonard tried to help didn’t seem to work for you.

“For god’s sakes, Leonard,” you hissed through your teeth. “Use _both_ hands when adapting the wound! Either assist me properly or I’ll get someone in here who will.” You knew you were being unreasonable, but had no willpower to stop as you looked up at him with piercing eyes. “But whatever you’re trying to do now is not helping.”

To your own surprise he didn’t say anything, instead readjusted his hands on the leg as you asked and adapted the wound in a way more suitable for you. Your head was bent down as you focused on your needle, but you didn’t have to look to know his hazel eyes were resting on you for longer than was necessary. 

“Not so hard, now is it?” You grumbled under your breath as you continued working undisturbed for a while. As you moved on further down the wound, you felt Leonard leaning over slightly to point out something. 

“You might wanna take the forceps over here and…”

You cut Leonard off immediately, in no mood to be taking suggestions. “I don’t need you to point out every step of the way, Leonard. If you wanna do it, then take over. If not, let me do my work. I know what I’m doing.”

His brows shot up almost to his hairline as his eyes widened in shock. He said nothing as he tried to digest what you’d said.

You looked up at him in challenge. “What’s it gonna be?”

You stared at each other down for a few seconds before Leonard finally dropped his gaze without saying another word.


	11. Chapter 11

After the surgery, you pushed your way out of the OR, purposely not waiting for Leonard and wanting to be alone for the rest of your shift.

But he eventually caught up with you in the deserted hallway, and when his hand landed on your arm you almost jumped two feet.

“What the hell was with you back there?” His voice was colored with irritation. “You practically bit my head off, actin’ as if I was getting in your way.”

“Sucks, doesn’t it? That's how you made me feel ever since I got here.” You knew you were being childish and petty, but talking to him right now was making you literally shake with pent-up emotion and you couldn’t control your words anymore. It brought you back to the blow-up you’d both had that night in the on-call room. You shook with anger back then too, much as you did now. 

A look of surprise crossed his face as he stepped closer to you and gripped your shoulder. “Darlin’, what in the world are you talkin’ about? Give me a clue. Did I say something to upset you?”

You wriggled out of his touch and he stepped back at once, giving you space.

“Are you okay?” He sounded genuinely concerned and his voice dropped low as he tried to carefully pry the problem out of you. “That was a pretty good impression of me you were doin’ back there, you know.”

You bit your bottom lip, not quite sure how to start this conversation, dreading it and needing it to happen all at once.

“No.” You shook your head slowly, standing there in the middle of the hallway with balled fists. “Nothing’s _okay_.” The words fell out of you like they were coming from someone else. “I am done being your little distraction from work, Dr.McCoy.”

He cocked up an eyebrow. "What?”

Your gaze was unwavering. “I’m done being the thing that helps you pass the time until the _Enterprise_ is ready. Because it’s ready now, Leonard, and you’re leaving. So, I’m telling you, before you dump me, that I’m the one that’s finished.”

You couldn’t believe you were able to keep your voice so steady, but you were serious and you didn’t want anything to compromise what you had to say. You _were_ done. Done with being his pastime, his plaything. You had thought it was something more, and you were wrong. It was time to let go and start healing.

What you weren’t quite ready for was the startled look Leonard was currently giving you. It was a mixture of shock, bewilderment, and hurt. And it was throwing you off.

“I.....how did you know the _Enterprise_ was done with repairs?”

A lone nurse stepped around you then, and you both moved over to lean against the hallway wall as to not impede more traffic.

You kept your voice lowered as you crossed your arms and answered him hotly. “I overheard Christine and another nurse talking about it last night. They were wondering who would be replacing you here at York Town Medical. Since you’re leaving.” You blinked rapidly, fighting back the tears that were threatening to form.

“When exactly were you going to tell me, huh?” You began again, glaring up at him as you spat the words out. “Were you just going to act all normal, and then one day disappear out of my life like nothing ever happened? Was that your plan?!”

Leonard’s eyes softened, and his arm shifted as if to reach out for you again, but he re-considered. “You honestly think I would do that to you?”

At this moment you hadn’t a clue what he’d do to you or not, so you didn’t answer. Your anger was swelling up again to mask the pain in your heart at merely the thought of him walking out on you. You’d known him for over a year by now, and in that time you hadn’t always gotten along. But ever since you first laid eyes on him, you knew your heart was in trouble. And although it was only a handful of days since you’d actually been together, it felt like it had been much longer. Your feelings for him were that strong. But you couldn’t let your feelings cloud your judgement now. 

“I don’t know what to think! All I know is, you’re leaving to go back into space with the _Enterprise_. You wouldn’t actually leave if you thought..... if there was any chance....” Your eyes finally welled up this time and you cursed your weakness inwardly, pushing yourself to continue.

“...if this had meant anything to you at all. You would have at least said _something_. But, whatever we are-- it clearly doesn’t mean that much to you. We’re done here.”

You pushed yourself off the wall, needing to leave before your emotions overwhelmed you. But before you turned away, Leonard stopped you.

“Y/N, wait! Just wait a minute now, would you?” he pleaded, and you hated yourself for being unable to resist listening to him, even when you knew he was about to disappear from your life forever, shredding your heart into pieces in the process.

It would all be so much easier if he had never kissed you in that stupid on-call room on Christmas Day.

“You’re right,” he began slowly as you kept your gaze locked to the floor. “The Enterprise _is_ fixed, and it _is_ getting ready to go out into space again. And I’m plannin’ on going with it.”

You shook your head and went to leave again but he put a hand to your arm gently, coaxing you to stay put and hear him out.

“But there was no way I was gonna leave this damn star-base without you. I needed some time to speak with the captain of the _Enterprise_ and get him to agree to have you in my Medbay. He finally gave me his permission this mornin’.”

His fingers carefully reached out to tilt your face so you could look at him fully, and this time you didn’t pull away from his touch. “Captain Kirk is as capable as any of ‘em, and the medical facilities on board are first-rate. Starships always need capable surgeons. The ship needs you. And so do I.”

Your heart squeezed in your chest, and your mind was a jumble of wayward thoughts you couldn’t even begin to process. You were so angry a moment ago, and now your heart was daring to hope. He was asking you to come on board with him, to go away with him. It wasn’t what you were expecting at all.

His fingers were still at your face and his eyes were intent on you as you stayed silent.

“So, whadda ya say? Do you want to come with me?” His voice was rough around the edges and he tried hiking up his mouth into some resemblance of a smile, uncertain of what your reaction would be.

You couldn’t look away, his gaze piercing into you like a spotlight, taking in every detail. “I.....Leonard, I don’t know.....”

His hand dropped but he stayed close. “I know it’s a lot to ask all at once. Especially since all of this, between us, is still quite new. You don’t have to decide right this second.”

You wanted to say something more, but a group of nurses rounded the corner just then and passed you both, full of excited faces. One of them paused briefly when they saw you.

“Hey, Dr. Y/LN! Dr. McCoy! You guys coming up to the roof? The New Year's fireworks are starting any minute!”

All you could do was nod as the nurses continued to rush past and made their way to the stairwell at the end of the hall. You both stood together in silence, unsure of what to say.

Finally, Dr. McCoy let out an audible exhale. “Well, we might as well go see the fireworks. I’ve heard they’re usually quite nice.”

You stared after the nurses, trying to decide what to do. After a few seconds, you shrugged in defeat. “Alright, I guess.”

He started down the hall and you fell in step next to him silently, lost in thought as you both made your way into the stairwell and climbed the multiple steps up to the roof. 

His offer to join him on the _Enterprise_ had been so sudden and unexpected that you were still reeling, not fully able to understand what it all meant. Not once had this been an option you had thought of for yourself. _You_ taking up a post on the _Enterprise_. Travelling through space for years, hopping from one planet to the next on an adventure-packed quest for knowledge. 

Even though your heart had leaped in your throat at Leonard’s offer, you still held lingering feelings of doubt. Maybe all he wanted was to continue this adventure, this secret relationship with you on the ship. Maybe he wanted everything to be kept undisclosed, hidden behind closed doors whenever he liked. No one would ever know about your relationship, and you wouldn’t ever be a _true_ couple. Spending stolen time away with each other had been wonderful, but your heart told you that you wanted more than that.

Leonard held the door open for you at the top of the stairs. You silently passed through it onto the roof, taking in the small groupings of various hospital staff huddled around each other, necks craned up to the sky in giddy anticipation.

You spotted a group of senior nursing staff off to one side, and Nurse Chapel waved you two over.

“You guys are just in time!” she exclaimed. “It’s almost midnight!”

You smiled at her enthusiasm as you went to stand next to her, Dr. McCoy on your other side. You gazed up into space along with everyone else, the dense blackness interrupted by a multitude of bright stars. And there in the center of it all was the _Enterprise_ herself—a sleek and elegant starship that was the envy of the entire Federation. There was a digital clock projected out onto the dome of the star-base, counting down the seconds to midnight next to the ship. There was still one minute left, and the fireworks were set to start as soon as the clock hit zero to ring in the new year.

You felt a hand at your elbow, and you looked up at Leonard as he gently pulled you aside from the group. “I hope we don’t start the New Year off like this.”

You pursed your lips. “Like what?”

“Like...this.” He gestured vaguely in between you two. “Things unresolved.”

“If you want an answer from me now, that’s just not going to happen.”

“No, it’s not that. I just....tell me what you need from me. What’s holding you back?”

You looked away and up towards the sky, pondering a moment before facing him again, deciding that all you could do now was be honest and speak the truth.

“I don’t want to be a secret, Leonard. Our whole relationship, this _thing_ that’s been going on between us. It’s been amazing, wonderful.... but I feel like we’re hiding away from the world, like you don’t want anyone to know about us. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely _exciting_ to hide away, I’m not saying it isn’t. I’m just afraid that it would be the same on the ship and I don’t want---” The clock was at twelve seconds to midnight, and the groups gathered on the roof started to shout out the countdown.

“Twelve, eleven, ten,”

You saw Leonard’s eyes light up, and he pulled you back toward the group so you were both standing in full view of everyone.

“What’re you doing?” you asked him as he kept hold of your arms, not answering you as he inclined his head back to the clock.

“Nine, eight, seven,”

You shot him a puzzled look before finally training your eyes on the countdown as the chants around you grew louder and you felt the anticipation rise in the air.

Suddenly, you felt Leonard's warm hands at your waist, pulling you in close to him.

“Six, five, four,”

Your eyes flicked over to him in surprise as he stared down at you. “I don’t wanna hide.”

“Three, two, one.”

He bent his head and captured you in a kiss, long and purposeful. The boom of the fireworks released by the _Enterprise_ sounded overhead along with the cheers of “Happy New Year!” erupting from the crowded roof. And here was Dr. McCoy, kissing you in front of them all.

Your hands went to his chest as he kept you close, and you could hear a few _whoops_ from your co-workers as they gradually noticed what was unfolding in front of them.

When he pulled away from the kiss he kept his hands at your waist. “Happy New Year,” he added softly.

You were stunned as you pushed your lips together, feeling a rush of heat to your cheeks. “Um, yeah,” was all you could manage.

You cast a glance at the group of nurses closest to you, seeing them all eyeing you back knowingly.

“Finally!” One of the senior nurses shouted with a grin. “It’s about time you guys made it official.”

Your cheeks grew even hotter. “W-what?” You had to shout over the boom of the fireworks.

“Everyone knows you guys were into each other. It was just a matter of time.”

Another nurse close by winked at you then added, “And the walls of this hospital are not as soundproof as you might have thought…“

You felt Leonard’s chest rumble as he laughed and you closed your eyes in embarrassment. When you opened them again you saw Nurse Chapel smile over at you both from a few feet away and you returned the smile.

Embarrassment or not-- your heart was singing and you felt more at peace than you had in days. 

“Sweetheart, you’re missin’ the fireworks!” Dr. McCoy pulled you back to him, wrapping his arms around you as you both looked skyward, the beautiful pops of color exploding against the black backdrop of space.

You leaned against him as you stared up at the display, your eyes landing on the _Enterprise_ and you wondered what life would be like on a starship.

END 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An that was the last chapter of the last story on the last day of December!  
> We hope you had fun with our little project 😊  
> As always: if you can spare the time to leave a comment- we would love to hear your thoughts. 💖
> 
> We might have one last surprise waiting for you in January, if we can find the time to finish writing our _very last_ story! 😉
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> We wish you a happy New Year - may it be a healthy one!


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